I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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