Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
