I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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