Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
