I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
