I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
