No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
