Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
