There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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