I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
