I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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