They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
