The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
