all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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