im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
