This is not my ceiling
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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