My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
