My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
