I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
