All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone stole a lamp last night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
