I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
