was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
