if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
