Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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