wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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