sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
