when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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