I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
