She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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