The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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