I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
