nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
