I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
