before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
