Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
