Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
