He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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