The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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