If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
