He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
