Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I AM VODKA MAN
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
