Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
