How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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