gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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