Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
