so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
