dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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