Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
