oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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