I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
